Birthdays and Death Days

7:25:00 AM

From my diary...

29th November

“… I’ve learnt a new term: death day. It’s been three weeks since Thomas’ death day. Sarah says that’s not long at all. I feel I should be coping better…”

 Last week we celebrated Thomas’ birthday and remembered his death day. Actually, one day follows so closely after the other, they tend to get muddled together. And so I felt blessed and happy because of the gift of our third son, but I also mourned his loss.

 I wonder: why does the date on the calendar make such a difference to how I am feeling? If I didn’t keep track of the days, could Thomas’ birthday and death day pass without trauma? Could the days pass like every other day, with my grief locked away inside me in that safe place?

I think the answer is no. My mother’s heart knows it is that time of the year. And I think I need to cry and remember.  The tears and the pain are my birthday gift. They say, “Thomas I still care. I haven’t forgotten you. I love you so very much.”

Isn’t grief bitter-sweet? We grieve because we love. Would we wish we did not love, so we don’t have to grieve?

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  1. Prayers for you Sue. It is good to love and good to grieve, and the Lord comforts those who mourn. May he comfort you and your family as you remember and look forward to the day when you will be reunited. I'm sure he is interceding for you!

  2. Colleen,

    Thank you for your prayers and thoughtful words. Both are appreciated.

    I can accept the occasional tears and stab of pain. They reassure me that I haven't forgotten, that I still care, that I am not 'over' Thomas, that he still matters. I wonder if I have explained that thought well enough?

    So lovely to see you here on Thomas' blog. Thank you!

  3. I'm praying for you too Sue! I'm happy that after reading your book, I came to this blog to see your pictures of baby Thomas! To see the picture of his grave site brings tears to my eyes... it's so tiny for a tiny little baby. Blessings to you and your family!

  4. Noreen,

    It is so special sharing Thomas with you. Thank you for reading his book.I am sure it was difficult, in places, to keep going!

    Yes, babies' graves are so small and very sad. We used to walk through the cemetery and be drawn to all the tiny graves. We'd stop and read the inscriptions and wonder about all the sorrowful stories they represented.

    May God bless you too!

  5. Dearest Sue. God counts all of your tears.

    I am praying for you...

  6. Susan,

    "God counts all of your tears." That is so consoling. I will have to remember those words in case they can help someone else.

    Thank you, dear friend.



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